"i’m not bitter" i say, bitterly, with a bitter expression
"describe yourself in five words"
If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family
Stop reblogging my failure
The season of leg shaving is upon us.
i want to create a tv show about a group of friends where they’re all queer except the one token cishet friend who’s only there to say stereotypical “straight” things for laughs like “macklemore got me into rap” and “my mom and i got into a fight because she wouldn’t buy me a fourth obey snapback”
Or we could just stop stereotyping people.
fic where steve is having his morning run but sam is nowhere in sight so he just has to run on his own with no one to tease about how slow they are but then suddenly nyoooom “ON YOUR RIGHT” sam screams as he passes flying by and puSHES STEVE INTO THE FOUNTAIN
when u take off ur iphone case and it feels like ur holding a newborn
The lack of tattoos on my body is highly upsetting.
do you ever notice how like, we have our own language for fanfic that only readers understand?
“36k wip destiel hs au on ao3”
I can’t believe I understood all those words
oh my god
i still cant believe the easter bunny died for our sins
my family got me a vibrating toothbrush that i can most definitely use to masturbate and finally get off gdi but the only problem here is that it’s got mike wasowskis face on it and i don’t know if im ready for that level of commitment
i did it. i did it and i hate myself.
i love when dogs sigh. its like, hey bud, long day at the office?